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Not Mina Harker

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11:58 pm: F*** you, lady, that's what stairs are for!
This is the funniest thing I've seen all day. DarthCulf is a very wonderful person.



Started my new excercise regimen the other day, for Health and Wellness promotion. Now I know why Curves is so successful-- gyms are scary places for the infrequent visitor! Our teacher had to be in the Biometrics Lab the whole class period, so we were just sorta left to look at the weight machines and figure out from their construction exactly what they did and how they worked. Blaine and I managed the first row of upper-body workout machines together, and then the ab-cruncher at the end of the second row. Even on the lowest weight settings, I was getting fatigued and pained and feeling very self-conscious around the other, fitter girls. It's not that I'm uncomfortable with how my body looks, I'm just not proud of how it performs. Ah, well, nothing to do but keep at it. And the cardio requirements give me an excuse to walk to Blockbuster every week and rent fun movies like Shaun of the Dead, which is a surprising masterpiece of cinematography. Also zombies. Yay zombies!

Asheville is a perfect zombie city. After seeing Cloverfield with Karim and Josh (and throwing up in the middle of it because of motion sickness), we discussed whether or not it was feasible for a giant salamander-that-evolution-forgot to attack Asheville. We decided that Asheville was not big or important enough to merit giant monster attack, nor was it backwoodsy enough to be tormented by Texas Chainsaw Massacre-type hillbillies. It's not the sort of town that's old enough to be cursed by some witch-- the only Asheville witches are the froufy New-Agey kind, and they're mostly harmless. Asheville's definitely not gloomy enough to be beset by vampires or a plague of darkness. But zombies, oh man, they would be perfect! Just kooky enough to fit in to the landscape, just creepy enough to send the hippies running in fear. It'd be awesome to see a bunch of zombies shamble down Lexington Avenue, all "braaaaaaaains... braaaaaaaains..." Well, no, if they're Asheville zombies, they'll be all "meatless braaaaains suuubstituuuuute... meatless braaaains suuubstituuuute!"

Asheville had a snow day a while ago, during which I earned honorary manhood for my bravery and sheer mantacularness in snow-battle. After lunch with Karim, Josh, and Josh's friend Arthur, I was invited to a snowball fight down in the Botanical Gardens with them and their friends Joanna and Sarah. As Karim remarked, "Snowball fights get a lot more fun once you’re old enough to know what the words 'rape, pillage, and burn' mean." I have never witnessed such a display of raw manful menergy as this snowball fight. Three big guys with beards and long scraggly hair, all screaming at the tops of their lungs and hurling boulder-sized snowballs at one another, grunting and howling, crushing ice on their faces in pure savage mandemonium. In the Botans, they fell upon a snowman and devoured it, ripping its flesh to pieces for sustenance and bludgeoning each other with its organs. They gave me the title of Honorary Man that day, because Josh hurled an iceball the size of my head at me and I punched it to bits in midair, all while screaming in a manful way. My friend Stanley was going for a walk in the Botans and I told him about my new status as Honorary Man. He replied "Congratulations! I’ve been trying for that for years." Since I took a snowball for him (he’s a civilian, he shouldn’t be involved in the massive snow carnage), the men announced that for saving his life he must now become my slave. I told him to go clean my room for me. He responded with a sigh and muttered "Oh, drat, the boring kind of slave…"

Our Humanities: Ancient Cultures professor does not know how to spell Mesopotamia. He thinks it's spelled "Messoptania." This is distressing, since he's supposed to be an expert on the region.

Comments

[User Picture]
From:parmandiriel
Date:February 1st, 2008 01:31 pm (UTC)
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ohmygodyouhavesnow. I hates you. :D

also, it is my opinion that every weight machine in the world is purposefully designed to be impossible to work out on above the first two lowest settings. The rest of the numbers/dumbells are just painted decorations.

(so says the girl that couldn't bench press the regular bar and had to go find the super-light, normal-people-use-this-one-handed, bar instead.)
[User Picture]
From:taimdala
Date:March 16th, 2008 03:44 am (UTC)
(Link)
Messoptania?! Oh, man.... that's just .... sad.

And as for fun videos to rent out, have you seen Bubba Ho-Tep? It's got instant cult classic written all over it. Why? Bruce Campbell. As The King, Elvis Presley. And Ozzie Davis. As JFK. Both are seniors fading away in a backwater rest home where a zombified mummy starts knocking off the inhabitants.

(Don't make faces...)

Bruce Campbell. Ozzie Davis. Undead soul-sucking cowboy mummy. What's not to love?

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